Dearly Beloved

Now that they can get married, Ellen has asked Portia deRossi to be her wife. This looks like a nice wedding picture, so maybe they already did. Ellen announced her upcoming nuptials on her show today.

From the looks of this pic, they may be expecting a little Ellen?

Ellen's joyful news comes only days after Anne Heche announced she is broke. If you don't remember, Anne was found in the desert, wandering nude and lost, waiting for an alien ship to pick her up the day after her break-up with Ellen.

Dina: "Lindsay Isn't a Lesbo"

When asked if her daughter was a lesbo, Mommy Lohan said, “It’s so silly. We actually laugh about it now."
Lindsay and Dina sure "laugh" about alot of things, according to Dina. I can't even picture these two coked up hags laughing. Last week, they laughed hysterically over Lindsay stealing that orange fur coat that matches her tanner.
Lindsay with well known Hollywood lesbo, I can't think of her name, and you don't care anyway. I like her boots! Gross, her taste in SHOES. They are the same shoes my first husband was wearing when I met him in 1975, and they were retarded then.

Dina told press, “Samantha’s an amazing girl,” with Ali adding, “They’re best friends. They’re just friends. It’s pathetic what people say.” Ali? Like anyone values your opinion, like you know anything, and you are excruciatingly pathetic.


" It really does hurt… but you develop a thick skin. You have to ignore it.”

They sure have alot of stuff to ignore, don't they? They are in a perpetual state of denial. Lindsay's not a thief, not a lesbo, isn't drinking and on drugs, didn't get fired from her only two jobs this year.

Owen & Kate Break Up Again

Just a few weeks ago, Kate Hudson was bothering Owen Wilson while he was trying to sleep, and telling the world that they were ready to start a family. But The Butterscotch Beast isn't ready to settle down anytime soon, and Kate is known for being a demanding know-it-all. Besides, Owen doesn't want to give up his Hawaiian skinny dipping "sessions" with Woody Harrelson.

"It was a pretty bad break up," a friend of Wilson's told a US magazine.

"Owen said it was a tough one. He definitely doesn't want to dwell on it. He wants
to put it behind him."

Options to Amy's Beehive

With her delicate features and winning smile, Amy could wear a variety of hair-do's!

So In Love

Lindsay snuggles up to Sam in Paris!

Chili The Gentle Giant

Oh sick, this is Chili the giant cow, who gets to be in the Guiness Book of World Records!

Don't Get Too Comfy, Jen

Loving the attention

Jen demonstrates for waterhead John Mayer how she tried to strangle herself when learning of Angelina's new pregnancy, because her pain was so intense.

Watch out, Jen. While you were seen browsing bridal magazines this past week, John is telling pals that this is no more than a "summer fling." His ego matches his head size, and he has no intention of marrying some insecure old Greek chick who is in constant pain. Sorry.

Amy Winehouse: Just Like Us!

Want to meet your idol, Amy Winehouse? It isn't hard. Just go to her London apartment and knock on the door. She'll answer! Some fans knocked and she opened the door and said, "I'm so glad you came by, mates! I badly need a ciggie!" Yes, she really said that.

Jessica Alba is a Bitch

and she has had this look on her face the entire time she's been pregnant. Don't worry, honey, you'll have your body back nine days after you give birth.

Love your "sensible" skirt! Ha! Ha! hahahahah!!!!!!!

Ashlee Simpson is An Ugly Slut

"I lifted my dress way up over my head right when I first met him, so it was love at first sight." Ashlee on meeting her gay boyfriend, The Unibomber.


Mariah Carey Has Diarrhea All The Time


Mariah and Nick had a big Magic Mountain Wedding party for friends at Six Flags, but because of all the laxatives Mariah takes, she has stinky poop..all the time. The theme of their party was Mariah & Nick: A Love Story, but Mariah's pooping problems put a damper on their magical love. Mariah insists that a bathroom attendant follow her everywhere she goes, to block anyone from entering the bathroom after her, especially her friends!
Nick & Mariah: The New Heidi & Spencer

I assumed Mariah's poop smelled like butterfly kisses and marshmallow creme

The newlyweds were driven around the park in a golf cart. At all times, Mariah was followed by a hairstylist and makeup artist. Mimi had her own private pot to tinkle in, and big guards right outside the bathroom — you know, to keep her friends out. Their guests were forced to use port-a-potties.

Nick was seen discussing laxatives on the phone with Mariah at Rite Aid yesterday, and then buying some for his princess. Today he was photographed buying her little presents at the Hello Kitty Store in Beverly Hills, her favorite place

Britney & Mel Go To Costa Rica

Mel Gibson and Britney jetted off to Costa Rica this morning with Brit's dad for a weekend of white water rafting.

They went on Mel's private plane



A well placed source of mine in Costa Rica was able to get these photos

Clown Boobs

When clown-like Christina is seen with her ugly husband, she dresses like this:

In Lindsay Lohan's leggings

But yesterday she was out walking in NYC alone, with her big balloon boobs hanging out

Jessica: Alone Now, and Forever

Tony Romo's rep is confirming that he and Jessica are no longer together, but, strangely, her "rep", (Daddy Joe) is insisting, "They are very happy together." Among the reasons for the split? Well, look at her. SO STUPID.

Annoying, terrible in bed, shooting her mouth off about being his future wife.
that she's an alcoholic, embarrassing, and has the most hideous gigantic purses he's ever seen. Finally, (although I'm sure there's more) her unspoken, creepy intimacy with Papa Joe. When Tony was asked about the split, he angrily said "Don't ask me about HER." The look on his face here says it all. (and HERS)

Jessica is not over John Mayer, and when she saw the photos of him and Jen Maniston, she went into a full scale meltdown, guzzling booze, throwing up and crying. That night Tony was seen alone partying up a storm in Chicago, where he made fun of Jessica with his friends.

Jessica Simpson got good and drunk as John Mayer, the waterhead who broke her heart, went public with his new relationship with Jennifer Aniston last week.

The 27-year-old singer was so out of it after a four-hour session of drinking at L.A.’s Mexicali Cocina Cantina on May 10 – which started at the pre-happy hour of 4 p.m. with BFF CaCee Cobb and her beau Donald Faison – that she was reduced to leaving her Range Rover in the parking lot and calling her mom Tina for a ride home, (THE HORROR!) Us reports (for good measure, CaCee Cobb threw up under the table); that same night, Us Weekly also reports that Tony Romo partied solo in Chicago and was overheard telling friends he was single again, and relieved to be rid of Jessica.

Across the country, Mayer and Aniston went public with their relationship – holding hands and kissing affectionately at the Marley & Me cast party in Miami.


Angelina Smiling Two Days in a Row!



Still, who could NOT SMILE around Jack Black?
Jack Black is my ex husband.

Anne Heche is Poor

She should have stayed with Ellen. A L.A. County Superior Court judge has suspended Heche's obligation to pay child support for July. Heche has been forking over $14,798 in monthly support.
In her declaration, Heche noted that her TV show, "Men In Trees," had gotten the ax. She says since January, "I have been unemployed and had no income....except for one very short term contract for a movie role for which I received a total of $65,000."
Heche says she has a grand total of $34,840.93 in her accounts. She claims she can't continue paying for Homer's private school tuition, her Canadian mortgage, L.A. rent, auto and other expenses. She says she's $364,000 in the hole.

BTW, Anne was spotted at the Malibu Beach Inn over the weekend. She blew $30 on appetizers, not including tip.

Breaking News! Angelina Smiles, Wears Green

Angelina Jolie Cannes
Oh my god, she smiles! And she isn't wearing black. Jack Black (accidentally) confirmed that she's having twin girls.
Jack and Angelina were having a joint interview to promote their latest film Kung Fu Panda at the festival when the actor said to her: "You're gonna have as many as (the) Brady Bunch when you have these."

Asked if she was expecting twins, Angelina replied, "Yeah, yeah, we've confirmed that already. Well, Jack's just confirmed it actually."

"Is that true?", Black said jokingly, to which Jolie laughingly replied, "Yeah, you did"

Casey Dean Hates Britney Jean

Britney wants to be with Jamie Lynne when the baby is born but Casey Dean doesn't want Britney around. He told Jamie Lynne: "That durn sister a yours is a heap a trouble, GURL! I don't want her near my firstborn, ya hear me?!!" he bellowed, his eyes bulging. In other news, Casey Dean got a new shirt. It's really funny too

Jessica: No Good in Bed


Tony Romo was busy mocking Jessica Simpson’s bedroom skills to all his friends on the same weekend that he was telling everyone they were through. A Windy City spy reported exclusively to The Superficial that

Tony Romo was in town, and he was bar hopping with some buddies of his from Chicago. He had the nerve to put Jessica on speakerphone and talk about their sex life with all his guys listening and laughing at her. Not only is this girl dumb, but she is completely self conscious about her bedroom skills, and just lays there. After a few too many drinks, he told everyone he and Jessica are over.
I can't bring myself to say what I THINK I notice about Papa Joe in this picture, and it is disturbing and nauseating. I don't EVER look down there, and it just jumped out at me. OMG


Sam & Lindsay Share A Cig in Romantic Paris


Sam is more manly every day!

Christina Aguilera Is Tired of the Mom Thing

Being a new mom is so hard and exhausting. Even when you have 2 full time nannies, and a husband who jumps at your every command. Ask Christina Aguilera! She dreams of happier times when she was a free spirited dirrrrrrrty girl.

Jordan Bratman has his hands full, too. He is expected to care for the 3 family pets, carry Christina's giant purse packed with her make-up, and still fulfill any and every wish or whim she might have. Oh, and she's instructed him not to wake her for any reason during the night, so he stays up with little Max.