Kelly Osbourne Has Cankles

Madonna's Husband Won't Have Sex With Her

"My husband Guy went on that Cookie Diet and it's such a turn-off because he doesn't want to have sex. "... big muscled Madonna
Yes I'm sure that's the reason, Madonna. It isn't because you're a nagging, controlling bitch that makes him dress like this:
or that you look like a man.

Jamie Lynne Enjoying The Single Life

Kirstin Dunst Celebrates Her Release From Rehab

Britney's Big Weekend

Britney went out for sushi with some dude named Jason last night. He looks like he might have to poop.
Or, maybe the painful zit on the end of his nose has made him angry

Nice nails, Brit. But bad news. There won't ever be a comeback as long as you keep wearing those boots

This is Brit "out and about" today, wearing the boots.
I miss the old Brit

Courtney Banned From Flight

My friend Courtney Love was banned from a flight Monday after she was caught smoking in the airport. BIG DEAL.

Love was scheduled to fly from London to Los Angeles.

She says, “I had a fag in the first class lounge, like two hits, and they wouldn’t let me on the plane with my daughter. They made some big thing like I’m a f*cking terrorist or something. It was embarrassing.”


Katie and Posh: Their Dangerous Habit!

Tom has forbidden Katie from seeing her only friend Posh Spice, as she is becoming way too thin. Look at them! Two sour old spinsters who married gays for their money. How can they think they're cool?

"Katie is shrinking because she is following Victoria's strict 900-calories-a-day eating plan. She is copying Victoria's fad of eating seaweed shakes, frozen grapes and edamame beans. She is always weak with hunger, and often, too hungry to even speak." She is on the verge of collapsing, or worse. Hahahahah!!!!!!!!! What's worse than collapsing?

According to Life and Style, they have a dangerous habit of sharing a low calorie meal meant for one person.

I shared a Stouffer's barbecue chicken and augratin potatoes with my daughter once. Is that the same thing?
The magazine reports that during a recent outing to Madeo, the pin thin duo shared a green salad without dressing, one piece of fish and one side of steamed spinach. They also ordered one regular Coke and two glasses of ice. Oh stop! That's making me so hungry.

“Katie poured half the soda into each of their glasses, then filled up the rest with bottled water,” a Madeo regular told the magazine. The best part is that these self- centered ugly bitches are rude to staff and never ever tip even one cent. Since they work so hard for their money, you know.

Posh was grocery shopping at Whole Foods Market today. (See above) She's too cool to put stuff in a cart, she brings a bodyguard and points at the items she wants, then leaves the store before him. She's SO COOL.

Lindsay Lohan: Hollywood Star

Lindsay hangs out with a bunch of dirty looking lesbos outside of Joel and Benji Madden's clothing store on Melrose Avenue. What ever happened to the mall?

Looks like fun. Lindsay daydreams, longing for the days when she was complaining of the heat while starring in Herbie: Fully Loaded. Things were so much easier back then, before she was considered an "undesirable." And to think... she could have been the wife of Tom Cruise... she was on his list, (did he have anyone his own age on the list?) until the Scientologists found her to be unacceptable.

Lindsay just loves hanging out with the street punks. They're so cool too! All that Hollywood stuff just wasn't her style. See that sparkle in her eyes? She's having the time of her life.

Kerry and Mark: A Love to Last a Lifetime

Kerry Katona husband Mark Croft
Kerry Katona and her hot looking cab driver husband Mark married on Valentine's Day , and couldn't even get along on their wedding day. During the reception, Kerry started hitting and punching her new husband. Mark yelled at Kerry for drinking while pregnant! Kerry has said in the past that she doesn't think it's bad to booze while pregnant. A source said, "She blew her top and went for him and tried to throw a proper punch. Furious, he refused to spend the night with her. Mark was totally disgusted that she drank so much when she's due to give birth to their child in April." Kerry has also said in the past that it's ok to smoke while pregnant. She said, "The stress of not having one harms the baby more.” Kerry and Mark spent their wedding night seperate, because of Mark's non-stop farting.

Kerry Katona

Kerry Katona

Really Hard Blind Item

This former network reality star. Network. None of that MTV stuff or cable. We are talking network here. And it wasn't just one of the Bachelor babes or anything. You would know this person's name, and she goes by one name. She didn't win the contest but everyone has seen her if you know what I mean. Well when she found herself out of money and living back at home, with mouths to feed, she decided to turn to porn. She wears a wig, and does some weird fake accent, but it is her. The thing is that she is not all that attractive and because she won't use her name which would generate publicity, she is forced to do some things that mainstream porn stars wouldn't do all just to make a buck. What? You can't go get a real job?

The Mystery of Keith Richards' Body, and Why It is In Great Demand
Keith Richards has been flooded with requests to donate his body to medical science when he dies, because doctors want to examine his immune system.

The crinkly rocker, who spent much of the '70s addicted to heroin (like he's still NOT) and continues to live a rock 'n' roll lifestyle, credits his survival to a high tolerance of toxic pollutants.
And the 64-year-old even claims to have conquered blood disease Hepatitis C by simply letting his body deal with it.
Richards says, "Doctors all over the world want my body when it finally goes."

Poor Christina! Keith Richards doesn't know who she is.

With the release of The Rolling Stones concert film“Shine A Light” last weekend, Christina hit IMAX screens across the world as a guest singer on their “A Bigger Bang” show. But Stones’ guitarist Keith Richards confessed he didn’t know who she was when she hit the stage.

He told press, “This girl came out and I was like, ‘Who is that?’ I had no idea. I’m still not sure who that is. She can sing, though. And she looked good.”

Christina went to Villa nightclub

Howard Stern Sidekick's Downward Spiral

If you listen to Howard Stern's Sirius radio show, you have been witnessing the slow, uncomfortable breakdown of comedian/on-air sidekick Artie Lange. Lange, a chubby stand-up comedian who replaced longtime sidekick Jackie and has become a beloved figure on the show, has been gaining even more weight,
blackout drinking and dabbling in drugs over the last year, to the point that his co-workers have expressed concern on-air. Lange’s downward spiral finally came to a head yesterday on the air, when he physically attacked his assistant and hurled various epithets at him, and then quit the show.
A little background on Artie, who everyone thinks will be dead soon:
Artie landed a role as a founding cast member of Fox’s new show, Mad TV. For many, Lange was the break-out star of the show, bringing to the screen his own lovable, average guy persona mixed with more than a little bit of John Belushi’s ghost.

Extreme fame is sometimes a dangerous thing for a funny guy with a humble background. Like his hero Belushi and his contemporary Chris Farley, Lange found himself embroiled in the dangerous downward spiral of substance abuse. That, combined with rapid weight gain and a battle with depression, led Artie to stints in rehab, effectively halting his emerging star power.

Rescued from near obscurity by Saturday Night Live alum Norm MacDonald, Lange teamed up with Norm for the cult comedy Dirty Work
and the ABC sitcom The Norm Show. Lange continued to battle his demons although he was working steadily. In addition to acting as the replacement for the late Chris Farley in another David Spade buddy comedy, Lost & Found, Lange has appeared in several high profile films, such as The Bachelor, Mystery Men, Boat Trip, Old School, and Elf, where he played Santa.
Artie quotes:

Howard: “Can’t you do a healthy amount of heroin to stay thin?”

Artie: “I swear to god - If i could just do coke so i could lose 100 lbs i would…

Howard: “Why don’t you do the show on an exercise bike.”

“My mother would love it if I brought home an Italian girl… believe me, she’s gonna take whatever Fat Artie can get”

Artie Lange

From The Artie Lang Death Watch: (Artie fun facts)
  • Don Rickles called him a "baby gorilla"
  • He made a video about how he's a fat drunk...over 10 years ago
  • Once, he woke up with a pickle in his underpants
  • He's "accidentally" snorted heroin and pooped his pants
  • He was reported dead, and everyone believed it
  • He drank two entire bottles of Jack Daniels at Howard's birthday party
  • Known for saying "Artie's gotta do what Artie's gotta do"
  • Courtney Love called him her "soulmate"
  • He leaves his shirt and coat on while having sex
From Page Six:

Stern was finally left speechless yesterday after a brawl erupted inside his Sirius Satellite studio between his hard-partying sidekick Artie Lange and Lange’s assistant, Teddy, which ended with Lange’s quitting the show. Teddy below

The bickering started off air in the morning, in the hallway adjacent to Stern’s studio. Show staffers overheard Lange screaming at Teddy because Teddy asked him for his passport for the fourth time as he planned their flight to Amsterdam, which was set to take off last night. Lange told Teddy he should have photocopied the passport the first time.

Stern was told they had been bickering and brought it up on air. When Teddy came in to defend himself, Lange snapped.

“He’s a loser,” yelled Lange. “He’s the most unorganized assistant. I want to fire him, but he has no money. I hope he dies of AIDS.”

Lange, who pays Teddy $24,000 a year for part-time work, then accused Teddy of embarrassing him in front of friends last week in LA when he called Bloomingdale’s department store by its nickname, Bloomie’s, and announced the store didn’t have something in Lange’s size.

“I think I hired a fag,” said Lange. “I wanted to throw him out the window.”

Lange then threw a cup of water at Teddy and lunged at him, throwing a punch that didn’t land. Show writer Benjy Bronk jumped on Lange and held him back, while Ronnie “The Limo Driver” Mund burst in to get Teddy out of the studio. The Limo Driver, below

Lange blamed Stern for the fight, saying that Stern “pushed” him to the breaking point and that he couldn’t guarantee he wouldn’t snap again in the future. He then told Stern he loved him and resigned.

“Don’t ever mention Bloomie’s around the guy,” Stern sighed.

One show insider says that the staff loves Lange and is “extremely upset” but that it’s out of Stern’s hands and that Sirius management will soon decide Lange’s fate. The show is on a break next week.

Both Lange and Teddy failed to return calls for comment. Lange was last spotted by a fan at the Brooklyn Diner on West 57th, drowning his sorrows in a plate of food.
I loved Artie in
Dirty Work, but the real reason I admire him, is that he designed a cupcake for Crumbs Bakery:

Artie Lange

Designed and created exclusively by Artie Lange of the Howard Stern Show

Vanilla sponge cake Filled with chocolate buttercream

Covered in vanilla cream cheese frosting and topped with chocolate fondant icing w/white and chocolate sprinkles on the sides! ($3.75 each)

Britney is Starting to Look Like Britney

Well, we'll see. Her hair and nails look good now. She's back with former manager Larry Rudolph. There's talk that she may get a reality show, but that is the last thing she needs, and her dad is against it, so hopefully, that won't happen. If she does that, she'll end up in The Two Corey's Land. Larry Rudolph recently branded her “the world’s greatest entertainer,” saying that fans should prepare themselves for an amazing resurgence in her career.

According to Rudolph’s MySpace Celebrity Blog, “The public, for a while, was throwing darts at her. She was like that red dart in the center of the dartboard, just getting hit, and I think that the tide turned and people started to understand a little bit more of what’s really going on there and they started to feel for her.”

“I think everybody’s rooting for her. Everybody understands what she’s been through, everybody wants to see her get through it and everybody wants to see Britney back. They want to see her on stage, they want to see videos, they want to see her entertain people ‘cause there’s really nobody out there entertaining people the way she did. She is the world’s greatest entertainer. And when she comes back I think it’s going to be huge.”

Kerry Katona Has A Son

Kerry right before she gave birth
Kerry Katona Kerry Katona

Reality TV star Kerry Katona has given birth to a baby boy.

Maxwell Croft was born at 5.42pm Friday, five weeks early, and weighed 5lbs 4oz.

Katona's spokesman said: "Mummy and baby are doing well and the family are very excited about their latest addition.

Kerry Katona Kerry Katona

Mmm Hmm

Yes, I guess this fake cover of Cameron is "sexy"

But is she really "at the top of her game?" a "blond goddess?" I don't think so. This is her real, untouched face. Why didn't they just use that?

Man Hands Must Say Goodbye to Benji

Well this is breaking my heart

Poor hook nose, who likes to think of herself as a beautiful princess, (see shirt) had to say goodbye to her loving man today, "Benji". He's going on to Norway, while Paris had to fly home. Oh, the pain. When she cries, I cry. He seriously needs to shorten that name up or something, it's so ridiculous.

Meaty Man-Beast Madonna Has a Wet Crotch

Madonna loves the gym. Did you know that? She goes every day, and always looks especially ugly. But today, it has come to our attention that she's extra gross

Unfortunate, but true... Madonna's 2 hour and 40 minute workout in London was so grueling that she didn't sweat anywhere, except a large soaked stain in her crotch area. Yum!

And even on her dry crotch days, it's as if she goes out of her way to be masculine, haggard, and unappealing. Why is it necessary to dress this ugly?

She believes she is preserving her youth, when in fact, she looks older and far more hideous than her fifty years. so tragic....LOL!