Britney Talks to Herself in her Own Language!

Tony Barretto Speaks! (above, he and Britney in "happier times!" Ha! Ha!)

The "secret witness" in Britney Spears' custody battle with KFed was one of her former bodyguards, Tony Barretto. The 27-year-old worked for Britney for 3 months. He said he came forward to testify, because he was concerned about SPF and JJ being a father to young kids himself. He spoke to The News of the World and the article is long as hell. I mean really long. I'm going to give you the rundown, but there's a lot more at News of the World.

OVERDOSE: He claims Britney almost overdosed at The Mondrian Hotel after a binge with Howie Day. This was just hours before her big comeback performance at Anaheim's House of Blues. He claims when he entered the room it was a mess and there was a mound of white powder on the dresser. He also saw a glass pipe which he said was used to smoke meth. "She was in a terrible state, just sweating and shaking. Her pupils were huge—I've never seen her so bad." Tony said when they asked her about it the next day she said, "Yeah, thank God we made it."

BOOZE: Brit would make her bodyguards make her Jack and Coke which is her favorite drink. They would try and trick her by only adding a splash of Jack to the top to make it seem stronger. Tony claims Brit would drink WHILE driving. Like literally drive with a drink in her hand. She smokes and drinks around the kids all the time.

MADE-UP LANGUAGE: He said Brit would talk in this made-up language of hers. She would speak it to the kids as well as her staff. He said one time he caught her by the trash cans talking to herself in her own language.

EATING: Brit gets up at around 2 in the afternoon. Eats Sushi for breakfast and munches on Special K cereal almost all day. She would always make them go to Starbucks and get her a hot and cold coffee drink. He said she would tan daily.

HER KIDS: She never wanted to hold them. When they wouldn't stop crying, she'd always call the dr. or hand them to the nanny or to him. She called the dr. way too much.

CLOTHES & SHOPPING: She makes her bodyguards take pictures of every outfit she wears daily and constantly asks them how she looks. He says the only time she was happy was when she was shopping. She'd carry around her AMEX Titanium card and the bodyguards were given $6,000 in her cash daily to pay for some of her shit. He said she would have stores closed down so she could shop in peace. She even had Rite-Aid shut down.

NUDITY: He was warned about her stripping before he started the job. He said she would get naked all the time around him and the other staff. She would even bend over while naked. He said she would always bring girls home and they would all get naked and go in the jacuzzi. Tony also claims she would grind against his crotch without any panties on.

HYGEINE: Brit didn't want her bodyguards to smell bad. They had to wear cologne and couldn't sweat. However, Tony said Brit would fart and burp all the time.

DRUGS: He claims he saw her snort some white powder on two occasions. Once in a bathroom and another time in a private booth at Hyde.
He has witnessed first hand how the once fresh-faced pop pin-up has degenerated into a disturbed and bloated diva.

Tony reveals the washed-up star, who still makes a staggering 737,000 A MONTH, spends her time either in bed, in a tanning salon or shopping for junk.
And he branded her behavior as bordering on schizophrenic. Ha! Ha! Since when is Tony a psychiatrist?

Tony, who was sacked by the volatile star in May after he failed to pick up a hat she dropped, said: "She was in a different world most of the time. I don't think she even knew my name because she only ever called me ‘baby' or ‘honey'."

But whatever the boozed-up star wanted, he had to do it —even letting her rub her BREASTS on his BOTTOM.

Tony recalled: "We were at a party in Teddy's club in LA one night and I was standing by the dancefloor keeping an eye on the people around her.

"All of a sudden she came up behind me and started rubbing herself on me. She rubbed
her breasts on me and ran her hands provocatively up and down my back.

"I turned around, and she then smiled at me. Over my earpiece, the other bodyguard told me, ‘Dance with her'. I replied, ‘Are you kidding?' He just snapped back, ‘She wants you to dance'.

"So I found myself dancing away with her. She was in a skimpy dress, bumping and grinding into me.

"At one point, she spun round and pushed her bottom into my groin. It was very embarrassing because she doesn't wear knickers.
"But the weird thing is she does buy knickers because I've seen her. So I don't know what she does with them."

Tony also revealed how her depression over her split from Federline drove her close to emotional breakdown and suicide. He said: "I arrived at Britney's home one day to find the most horrible atmosphere. She was screaming and sobbing in her room—and what made us all even more nervous was that she had sent her nanny home and told her PA Alli to pack her bags.

"As Alli was leaving, she told us, ‘She's told me to leave. It's in your hands now. Look after the kids'.

"I remember the other bodyguard told me, ‘Britney's shutting down. I've seen her acting suicidal before. It was just before she shaved all her hair off. "He also told me to keep an eye on the kids and, whatever happened, not to let them near the swimming pool. It was about 2pm. All I could do was keep checking on the pool.

"All sorts of things were going through my mind. One of those was to quit my job. It was all getting too much. I was genuinely scared she would hurt herself." Her bizarre behavior worried him. He said: "As well as talking in strange voices to the children Britney would talk in strange made-up languages to me too.

"And the expression in her face was always deadly serious. One time I found her out by the trash. She was mumbling and talking a whole made-up language.

"I couldn't understand a word of it. It was like something from a different language, like she was trying to be someone else. It was quite scary. She was very confused."
Tony said she clearly regretted shaving her head. "I remember seeing her without her wig on once and it was a shock—although she still looked attractive," he said.

"But she'd have outbursts of crying over it. Once I saw her standing by the sink, shaking, sobbing.

"She was in shorts and a skimpy shirt with no wig on, extremely upset.

"You could see the tears running down her face. I asked, ‘Are you okay, Britney?' She nodded, and turned away from making any more eye contact with me. She looked so lost."

He was also shocked by her strange daily rituals.( like starbucks and tanning is strange!)

Tony revealed: "After getting up at lunchtime and drinking her Starbucks coffee, she goes to a tanning shop in Bel Air, where she spends ten minutes on a UV bed every day. After that she usually eats sushi for lunch or bowls of Special K.

"We were always having to go out to get her Special K. (BIG DEAL, TONY!)

"And she downs can after can of Red Bull or cola. She drinks three Red Bulls an hour. That completes her daily routine."

Lindsay's European Study Plans..Ha!Ha!

According to her coked up, flared nostriled mom, Dina, Lindsay is headed across the pond, so to speak. Dina told press, “She wants to go abroad and study in school… We’ll see what happens.” OH SICKKKK!! First, the dumb tramp was going to make an album, then she was going to "write a book TO HELP OTHERS" and now she's going to "study ABROAD" OMG, study WHAT?? Her convict dad, blaming Lindsay's downfall on Hollywood said she would "leave that evil place." Wherever she goes, she needs to lose her ratty hair extensions. I'm sure she won't stray too far from her drug dealer.

Britney has NEVER HAD a Drivers License...EVER

The few people left in Britney's life are telling her she absolutely needs to go into a serious rehab treatment if she expects to keep even partial custody of her boys. It seems she failed her first drug test, and is still refusing to listen to anyone. Her new attorney is telling her the judge is watching every move she makes and is already furious. She's still driving with no drivers license, and not only that, has never been issued one in her entire life. She's claiming she will go into rehab in a few days but no one really believes her.

Britney Leaving the Home of a Private Nurse in Beverly Hills

O.J. Does Beer Bongs With College Kids

These lucky college kids are having all kinds of fun with O.J.!

Jessica is an Idiot

Jessica Simpson works out ha!ha! Very well placed sources tell me that while she was having her most recent nose job, she had quite a bit of liposuction as well. Go away, you dumb bitch.


Brooke Hogan and the old Britney

Guess Who?

This curvy female singer didn't lose all her recent weight just with diet and exercise, but with a little help from a knife and some pills.

Nicole Bitchie in Hawaii

Nicole Richie, the most miserable looking pregnant woman I've ever seen, is "relaxing" (FROM WHAT?) in Hawaii with Joel Madden. They were seen fighting in the airport, after she'd just seen reports that he'd been cheating on her with extra fugly ex Hilary Duff.

Denise Richards is a Lying, White Trash Whore

ACTOR Charlie Sheen has been accused of exposing his private parts on sleazy internet sex sites. (Hey, this is HIS BUSINESS. WHO CARES)

The claim comes from his ex-wife Denise Richards, (a cheap nasty hooker before she tricked Charlie into marrying her) who allegedly says the actor has sent a picture of his penis to at least 30 women on "hook-up" sites.

The lying whore is fighting to have 41-year-old Sheen's overnight access to their daughters, aged three and two, stopped, in an attempt to get more money out of him.

And reports in the US say she has included the pictures of his privates in court papers.

Denise, 36, says her reason for the legal action is: "His inappropriate behavior and conduct... including an attraction to underage women and his sexual explicitness on the internet, including revealing his private parts."

Sheen has responded angrily, saying that his ex "behaves as though she owns" Sam, three, and Lola, two.

He added: "She does not. A day of legal reckoning for her is fast approaching."
This bitch also drove Richie Sambora back to rehab, and broke up his marriage to Heather Locklear. She's a real piece of work and needs to go back to whoring.

George Clooney and His Beard in Motorcycle Crash

George Clooney and his beard, Fear Factor's Sarah Larson, ended up in the emergency room in New Jersey yesterday after a nasty motorcycle crash. He broke a rib, she broke her foot. I hope this poor girl was getting paid alot to pretend to be his girlfriend.

Mariah Isn't a Stick Figure

Singer MARIAH CAREY has blasted the size zero craze and is urging women to "embrace" their natural physiques. Mariah, who unveiled a svelte new look at VH1's Save the Music gala in New York on Thursday , admits to living on a "bleak diet" to maintain her figure. But Carey, 37, vows never to starve herself to become a "stick figure girl". She says, "My secret is bleak diets, like thin soups, and I still feel like I have a way to go. "I don't feel like you have to be a size zero. We should all just embrace who we are physically. "I'm not supposed to be a stick figure girl. It's just not me."

Amy's Husband Threatens Suicide

Amy Winehouse’s husband threatened to kill himself before her appearance at the MOBO awards, reports claim.

Blake Fielder-Civil allegedly said he would slit his wrists during a fight they had over the telephone prior to the show on Wednesday.

The 'Rehab' singer later scooped the Best Female gong at the ceremony at the O2 Arena in London.

A source told The Sun: “Blake laid it on thick just before she went on stage. Her dressing room was covered in vomit . I don’t know if that was anything to do with the fight or just normal for her.”

Winehouse reportedly asked music lawyers at the after-show bash how much she would have to pay out in a divorce settlement.

Sean's Teeth Are Orange

Britney Spears’ 2-year-old son Sean Preston’s teeth were looking highly discolored on Thursday while out on a shopping trip with mom to L.A.’s Robertson Boulevard. One possible reason? “He’s having dental problems because Britney just shoves a bottle of juice or coke in his mouth all the time to stop him from crying,” a family insider told Us Weekly last month. Another source said that, in April, Spears, 25, “asked an L.A. dentist if he would whiten her kid’s teeth!” The dentist refused. A Spears pal also told Us that the star feeds her children “total crap like Doritos and soda,” and a source who has spent a great deal of time with Spears around the children said Sean’s mom has given him chewing gum, a known choking hazard for toddlers.
"Hey What's the big deal, Y'all? These there baby teeth falls out anyways!" Britney said.

O.J. Wanted Kinky Sex With James Woods!

Actor James Woods says O.J.'s ex-wife, Nicole Brown Simpson, wanted to have an affair with him -- and once invited him to join her and O.J. in a kinky threesome.

Woods recently appeared on the "The Late Late Show" and related how he met the Simpson's several years before Nicole was murdered. He said that the troubled couple once invited him for a "late-night nightcap" in their hotel suite, reports Page Six. "It was very odd," said Woods.

A few days after meeting them, claims Woods, Nicole Brown Simpson sent him a letter that said "'Dear Jimmy, O.J. is out of town, maybe you would like to get together.' [I thought], this can't be happening.

Richie Sambora Goes Back to Rehab

Bon Jovi's Richie Sambora, the big dorky ex of beautiful Heather Locklear, returned to rehab on Monday -- this time at the Cirque Lodge in Utah -- the same rehab facility where Lindsay Lohan is currently receiving treatment. Now there's a hook-up made in heaven...for at least one night.

Britney Fails Drug Test, Charged with Hit and Run

Yesterday Britney was charged with one count of hit and run, causing property damage and one count of driving without a valid California license. These two charges would mean a year in jail, and she actually might have to go. The charges stem from that little fender bender in a parking lot back in August when she hit a parked car. The owner of the car filed a police report on August 9th after they didn't hear from Britney.
These photos were taken of Britney seen leaving a doctor's office on Wilshire Boulevard, after she was given a random drug test. She was crying very hard, apparently she didn't pass. Bitch is also crying because this is the first time in her LIFE that she's had to do something she didn't want to do. POOR BABY.

Rod Stewart's Gigantic Ass of a Son to Stand Trial for Brick Attack

A judge has ordered that rock legend Rod Stewart's son must stand trial for an alleged assault that could see him going to jail.

Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Julius Title acknowledged that witnesses for the prosecution and defense offered conflicting testimony over the incident in which a couple were beaten up outside a party in the Hollywood Hills.
The judge ruled that there was sufficient evidence to allow the case against Sean Stewart to proceed.
Stewart, who is one of the stars of the most boring reality shows EVER, "Sons of Hollywood," pleaded not guilty in June to three charges, including assault with a deadly weapon. He remains free on bail.
Tobalus Stein and his wife Ericka said in their civil lawsuit filed in May that they were in a vehicle around 4 a.m. on April 22 when 27-year-old Stewart and other members of his entourage began "swinging their arms at, punching, throwing bricks and other items at" at the truck.

They claim that they were hit in the unprovoked attack.

The couple claimed to have suffered "shock, horror, fright, worry, grief, shame, embarrassment, anger and chagrin." They are seeking unspecified damages.

Ericka Stein testified at Stewart's hearing this week that she got a bruise on her chest from a brick that was thrown at her. Her husband and said it took hours to remove broken glass from her back.

She told the judge that her husband eventually grabbed a brick and threw it back at Stewart and their other assailants, telling them to leave the couple alone.

Every Single Night

Sharon Osbourne, never one to hold back, recently said that Ozzy and her have never missed even one night of sex.
"Ozzy is like the energizer bunny, he needs sex each and every night."
Of course, it may have something to do with the viagra he takes, but you would think all his other drugs and alcohol would just cancel that out.

Alice and Marcia Reunite at TV Land Awards

Also at the TV Land Awards were Ann B. Davis, who was the really not funny Alice the maid, and Marcia, (Maureen McCormick) from The Brady Bunch.

Look-A-Likes of the Week

Eddie Munster, (Butch Patrick) and hard to look at John Mayer

Beaver is Still a Freak

A freak on the show, and in real life, Jerry Mathers was only cute as Beaver for about two seasons, and then morphed into the disgusting freak he still is to this day. I had the unfortunate displeasure of meeting him back in 1997 and WHAT AN ASSHOLE. Wally, (Tony Dow) was always cool, and you can tell in this picture from The TV Land Awards, that Wally is thinking "Oh God..."

Little Johnny Whittaker

What a difference fifty years, a hard core crack and PCP habit, four hundred pounds and an addiction to kinky, painful sex (self admitted in 2002!) can make! "Little" Johnny Whittaker, also known as the lovable twin Jody from TV's Family Affair, is still alive. Unfortunately, his TV twin Anissa Jones who played Buffy committed suicide by jumping from a window at age 18.

I Want My Brit TV

TV Producers want Britney Spears to star with Matthew Vicodin Perry in an unnamed sitcom about this dude who needs to impress his boss, and hires Britney to be his "fake wife." That should work out real well. She can't act and wouldn't be able to show up on time even once. Still, they haven't given up on casting her as his wife.


Usually, in a before and after make-up picture, the after is better. But looking at this, I feel..well, speechless.

I'm Sure He Didn't Mean To

Big ugly attention whore, Dennis Rodman, parks his really cool ghetto painted Hummer in handicapped parking spots.
image: TMZ

News Media Waits Outside O.J.'s Miami Home For Him to Kill or Rob Again