WARNING: Hold Your Breath!

Two poop related stories in a row.. sorry.

I don't know how I missed this story from when Jessica and John Mayer were dating, but I'm glad I saw it today. The two of them, together or separate, already made me feel violently ill. But now that I know how much he enjoys using his lucky gals as a toilet, and, for them to poop on HIM, I feel a disturbing calm inside myself. It's a mind-numbing shock. They make me sick.

Which blond bombshell, on a recent visit to Rome, soiled her bedsheets so badly that the hotel mattress had to be replaced? "Also, she and her boyfriend have a reputation for really dirty sex," says a snitch. "The BROWN kind."

This was pretty easy to figure out since Papa Joe Simpson leaked this story to the press earlier this month, and Jessica and John Mayer were in Rome last month. So, if you've ever wondered what sick pleasures that Jessica Simpson has to offer, here you go. She will poop on you, as long as you're in a hotel.