Joe Pesci is a pimp

Joe Simpson is a white trash, big fat freak who is an embarrassing slob, but oh I forgot he's a MAN OF GOD. PLEASE. Just like Michael Lohan!

Joe, you are so cool, wow. I like your friends. Wait.. you're not drunk are you? I thought you were a preacher! Didn't you have a wife.... I can't imagine why she is never ever seen with you, never! I mean, you look like you are so much fun, and you are smokingly hot too!

Steven Tyler, on his way to rehab for the 623rd time. NICE BOOTS. Like there is any hope for you, dude. Just accept yourself as you are, a crinkly old Neanderthal "rocker", a Mick Jagger wannabe, who has no style, can't sing, and hasn't had a good album since 1975's Toys in the Attic.

and the story here is???? WHO CARES

Like she's old enough to feel left out, like she's LONELY. She's highly overrated, but she has no way of knowing that yet, that's later

Woody Harrelson, absolutely insane, nothing to look at, has never done anything, wasn't even good in Cheers, dad was a killer, he goes skinny dipping with Owen Wilson

Gwen Stefani is always pregnant, always looks good.

Gavin looks like a really boring dude. Does he do anything? He just stands around gazing off into the distance. Dude needs to round up Bush and get something going ASAP. Seriously, I miss them so much

Lindsay and her hubby were leaving the Sex and the City party, when Lindsay threatened paparazzi with an umbrella. So un-original
Hey, Lindsay? We know you're a lesbian, and it doesn't matter to us, you're gross either way. The saddest day of your life will be when there are no photographers, trust. Love those shoes though