Lindsay Cleans up Horse Poop!

Michael Lohan, convict dad of that bitch Lindsay Lohan, told the News of the World about the moment he saw his daughter again for the first time in three years.

He smiled: "As soon as I arrived Lindsay rushed into my arms, then curled up on my lap and sobbed like a baby." Okay, I already have a stomach ache.

Then, through her (fake) tears, she promised to QUIT films, LEAVE Hollywood and DUMP bad boy lover Calum Best in a desparate bid to stay clean. That's really funny because as if anyone wants her "in a film." Also, Calum Best dumped her after 3 nights together. So, those two promises should be real easy to keep.

She's even been "cleaning up horse poop as part of her recovery." PLEASE.

Michael, who wears a tagging device similar to that famously worn by his daughter, revealed: "When we finally came face to face we just clung on to each other and did not stop crying for at least half an hour." Wow, Michael! And you didn't even call a press conference for that?!

"Lindsay said, ‘Daddy, I have done some terrible things and been addicted to drugs but please believe me I will never do drugs again.

"She said she does not want to live in Hollywood as that is where this evil in her life happens.

"She said, ‘I hate Hollywood and I don't want to work there. I need a break and I am moving away'."

Vowing to steer clear of sex and drug addict Calum, Lindsay added: "I will stop hanging around with people who are bad for me'." Yeah, because it's not HER FAULT. Hey! Maybe she can hang around with her dad.