Moses and Apple Martin

with their mom Gwyneth

Nicole Richie is considering a double wedding with skank-o Paris because of the "huge amount of money it would generate". UGH.

Drunken moron doesn't even know how to hold a baby

Oh, don't you wish you were them, aren't they having the time of their lives!

Katie Holmes after being drowned

Tom holds a doll and wears new tennis shoes for the first time while fake talking to Katie's dad, Martin

Will Smith doesn't know how to hold a fork like a human, can't concentrate on his work because he keeps remembering what Tom told him: "I will point at you...but there will be a price to pay for your fame... a price to pay... a price to pay...."

Will nervously tries to eat his lunch, but can't remember how to hold a fork. He's been in homonovis training late at night with Tom, and Tom was even nice enough to hire a Scientology guard to watch Will's every move on set. After all, Connor Cruise is there in Will's movie, and nothing must go wrong. A price to pay,... a price to pay....

I'll tell you exactly what went wrong. He's Gay. His mother is Satan. Scientology.

Rare photo of THE REAL TOM AND KATIE. NO RELATIONSHIP. Tension from having to keep up this ridiculous charade that no one believes. Here, Tom scolds Katie and threatens her that if she doesn't follow his explicit instructions, she will never see Suri again. This picture tells the whole story of their "marriage" without saying a single word

Laura Ingalls Wilder goes to driving school