Kidnap Attempt on Ralph Malph!

Oh Boo Hoo, what a WHINER.
Okay first we'll talk about Michael J. Fox's "downward spiral." No, we won't, because I don't care. I didn't care about him when he was "popular," and I'm not a hypocrite so I don't care now. He's an arrogant, know- it- all little prick. Anyway, here he is, (and he always looks like he's wanting sympathy) (and he won't get it here!) with his wife Tracy who needs to give up the "I'm still a relevant actress look how sexy I am" pose because NO ONE CARES. "Then" or now. The much more interesting celeb in this picture is Donny Most! Don't even try to pretend you don't remember him either.
Washington D.C. - FBI Officials have uncovered an Al-Quaeda plot to kidnap former "Happy Days" star, Donny Most.

Most, who starred in the 70's sitcom "Happy Days,"

playing the sidekick "Ralph Malph,"
was unavailable for comment directly,
but issued a statement through his publicist that
he had been under a 'kidnap threat' from the terrorist
group since August of last year.

The kidnap plan was part of a larger
movement by the terrorist group to
undermine America's cultural identity
by abducting popular celebrity icons.

An FBI spokesman (speaking under the condition of anonymity)

said Tuesday "we are keeping a close eye on Most.
When al-Quaeda's plans to abduct Russell Crowe fell through
and they learned no one really gives a shit about Russell Crowe,
they fixated on Most for some reason.

They're watching Nick at Nite reruns on satellite
and think he's a current celebrity.
Plus there's something about the word 'most'
that made them think he was a top celebrity in America.

I love this story and thank God he's safe! Which brings to mind a story. When I was 18 and had moved to the big city, wanting to impress my hick friends, and spice up my life a little, I told everyone in my home town that I was dating Donny Most. Why? Because he was so ugly that I figured everyone would believe me! And they did, so much so, that many years later, when I assumed they had known it wasn't true, they were angry to find out it wasn't.