Shocking! Michael Jackson is Swearing Off Women!!

Michael Jackson has dated a chimpanzee,
Macaulay Culkin,

and a three foot midget,

(although the little guy did seem to turn out okay)

but NEVER a "Woman."
Previously unseen court documents have revealed child star Macaulay was affectionately known as 'Doo Doo Head' by Michael Jackson as part of a secret Neverland society.
A photograph of Culkin was obtained from Michael's bedroom.

Gossip site reports that an accompanying police memo says, "The photograph had a message written on it. The message stated, 'To Apple Head. Always remember keep Apple Head Club Doo Doo Head Alive.'" The photograph was signed by Culkin who added 'Doo Doo Head' after his name.

It is believed the Apple Head Club was a secret society that Michael Jackson, "the silver fox," encouraged his young friends to join.

Yes, he did marry Elvis's daughter, but was never intimate, unless you call building a tree fort foreplay. Yet he thinks we'll believe that he has SWORN OFF WOMEN while he is working on his latest attempt to make a comeback. First thing, Mike. Lose the Arabian headgear. Not cool. The mask? Not working for you either. Look, we all know you're not normal. Still, the public is forgiving, and after watching Britney, you see a little more mainstream after all.
From the testimony of Phillip LeMarque, Jackson's chef:
Is that you, silver fox?

"I received a 3 a.m. radio call from security: "The Silver Fox wants French fries."
Lemarque found the Silver Fox, (aka Jackson,) in the arcade room.

"Michael was playing with Macaulay Culkin at one of the games, Thriller. He was holding the kid — he was small, he probably couldn't reach the controls. His left hand was inside the pants of the kid ... down into the pants ... in the crotch area," LeMarque said. "I was shocked. I almost dropped the French fries."

Michael Jackson’s legal bills have prompted him to go back to work - and this time he’s serious. He’s hired music producers RedOne and Akon to mastermind his new album, and the trio began working together at the Palms recording studio in Las Vegas Wednesday. “Michael is producing the album himself and then will sell it to a record company when he’s finished,” our spy said. To maintain the utmost concentration, “Michael has banned his kids from the recording studio. He realizes this is very important and doesn’t want any distractions.”

his fingernails are absolutely stomach churning

Jackson has also sworn off women told pals, “He’s not going to be involved in any personal relationships with women until he gets this record done."
That's a HUGE sacrifice he's making, since he's never been involved with one at all.