Moldy Old Hef: "I Won't Get Married"

First, let's hear from rotting corpse Hugh Hefner:

"I love Holly very much and I think we’re going to be together the rest of my life. But marriage isn’t part of my puzzle. It’s not a personal thing - I just haven’t had much luck with marriages.”

Then he added:
"I do like to put together a good puzzle though. My favorite kind comes in 3,000 pieces, and is of some old landscape, you know, something real boring that takes about 5 months to put together. I let Holly watch me as I try to figure it all out. Then, I'll tell her, "Heat me up some of that thin split pea soup I'm so fond of, Nubbins."

And Holly, 28, still has high hopes of marriage, but accepts it is unlikely to happen.

”We are no closer to getting married than we were years ago. It’s like a car stalled at the side of the road.”

And she added:

"I gave that miserable old fool the best years of my life, and those other stupid skanks are no closer to moving out than they were four years ago. If I have to pretend to like one more silent movie, Puffins might be getting some cyanide in his soup. Just kidding. Ha Ha."

Hoff Out of the Hospital (Who Cares)

Here is the first photo of washed up alcoholic David Hasselhoff since he was admitted to UCLA Medical Center this weekend to treat a cut above his eye.

The Hoff arrived at the hospital last night with a bloody towel glued to his head.

Police Called to Assist A Crazed "Columbo"

A dazed and confused Peter Falk of Columbo fame was seen on on L.A. street yesterday, flailing his arms and scaring onlookers

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Disheveled and disoriented, the 80 year old actor seemed to think he was in a movie

Police were called to assist the beloved TV detective, who is obviously completely insane

Ed McMahon Breaks His Neck

ED McMahon, beloved sidekick to Johnny Carson, is recovering from a mystery fall down a flight of stairs that left him with a broken neck. Ed, who many thought was dead, has undergone two operations to repair his neck following a fall in March that he doesn't remember. The 85-year-old says, "It's been a tough year, but I'm working hard in rehab and doing the best I can to get through it," McMahon was recently seen confused and disoriented, stumbling around at a public event in a neck brace.

O.J. To Stand Trial

O.J. rushes home to take care of his kids and find the real killer


One of O.J.'s really cool fans

O.J. Simpson's lawyer said the aging murderer plans to spend the next two weeks in Miami "playing golf and taking care of the kids" (Ha! Ha! taking care of them by writing a book on exactly how he butchered their mom) before returning to a Nevada courtroom to be arraigned on kidnapping and armed robbery charges that could mean life in prison.

More than a decade after his acquittal on murder charges, Simpson was ordered Wednesday to stand trial on charges that he and armed accomplices staged an armed robbery of sports memorabilia dealers. Simpson said he wasn't surprised - and that he's counting on another jury to clear him.

"If I have any disappointment it's that I wish a jury was here," Simpson told The Associated Press before he left the courtroom. "As always, I rely on the jury system.

You Could Smell Him From Five Feet Away

Gary's Explorer.. Nice work, you drunken old fool!

Gary sent these people to the hospital! Get your wallet out, Gary!

Cheesiest Couple on Earth, Gary and Mary Ann Mobley, his long suffering wife



Legendary TV host and actor Gary Collins, 69, was arrested in an L.A. suburb last night on suspicion of drunk driving after sources say his blood alcohol level was over twice the legal limit.

Collins insisted he "needed to leave the scene" according to witnesses. Ha! Ha!

Witnesses tell TMZ Collins was driving his black Ford Explorer when he slammed into a blue Toyota . A witness says that Collins was traveling at least 60 mph when he slammed into the Toyota, causing the car to spin around into oncoming traffic. The collision caused Collins' Explorer to lose control and travel into oncoming traffic, where he smashed into two cars parked on the other side of the street.

Wow he's old too! He's always been known as such a do-gooder. Ha! Ha! He was the host for Hollywood Squares and Password, and on everything from Lassie to Loveboat, and a staple on Fantasy Island.
source: TMZ

ACTORS STUDIO HOST LIPTON WAS A PIMP IN FRANCE

JAMES LIPTON, the host of the talk show INSIDE THE ACTORS STUDIO, once worked as a pimp in Paris, France.
The revered TV presenter, who has sat down with Hollywood’s biggest names for in-depth chats about their life and work over the last 13 years, has revealed he once procured clients for French hookers.

He says, "This was when I was very very young, living in Paris, penniless, unable to get any kind of working permit… I had a friend who worked in what is called the Milieu, which is that world and she suggested to me one night, `Look, you’ll be my pimp.
"We were earning our living together, this young woman and I, we made a rather good living, I must say." Lipton reveals in his new book Inside Inside he would set up sex shows for clients of his lady friend.