Roseanne Has A Way With Words

(it was this version of Roseanne that made Clooney the offer, the Tom Arnold Roseanne)

Oh God. This is gross. Especially because I despise George Clooney with a fiery passion. I don't hate Roseanne, but this is still the grossest "pick up line" (if you want to call it that) ever. From People Magazine: When Clooney was working on the Roseanne show as a young gay man, she tried to put the moves on him. She said:
"You're really good looking, why don't you take me out behind the stage and make me stink."
the eyebrows didn't work for him either

Then, Clooney went on to say that: "She was unbelievably kind to me at a time when no one was." No word on whether he "stunk her up" or not. YUK.

Roseanne Has a Ween Procedure

Roseanne told Craig Ferguson on his show last night that she had her ween tightened. Yum!

Roseanne said: "I went and had vaginal rejuvenation surgery. No, I did! And now I have a va-junior. And I'm not afraid to use it."

Quote of the Day

“I sorta really hate Kirstie Alley's guts. She won the Emmy nine times. Just be fat and shut the f**k up!” ... Roseanne

Roseanne's Letter to Britney and her Mom

To Britney and Lynne Spears from Roseanne:

The judge is trying to teach you a lesson, shut your mouth and learn it! You are a bad mother, and so is your mother! Get your shit together and take care of your kids!! Your mom needs to lock your spoiled ass in the basement or wherever it is that you cannot get anymore drugs. Stop drinking immediately too! If you are too weak to do that, then you are no better than a crack whore on the street, and your mom should stop pimping your ass and do what mom’s do…lock up your kid, and sit there with her for as long as it takes to get her right!!! Get guards around her to sober her up! SIT WITH YOUR KID, MOM! AFTER YOU AND HER DAD PIMPED HER OUT LIKE JON BENET, SIT THERE WITH HER AND STRAIGHTEN HER OUT…THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!!!! (not even hers, but yours, put pimping out your other daughter on hold till you make your grown one better)

John Goodman Was in Rehab

Poor John Goodman. He went to rehab too, but no one even noticed. So he issued a statement that he went to save his life. He is a well known happy, sloppy, drunk. But what about that he weighs over 400 pounds? One thing at a time I guess.

Roseanne's Myspace Bulletin

Date: Sep 10, 2007 8:07 PM
Subject: christ!
Body: i just went to the eye doctor and found out i am legally blind in my left eye. goddammit, that really sucks! No wonder I have never had any depth perception. No wonder i have had terrible migraine headaches all my life... i am 54, and no doctor has ever told me this in my whole life before today. shit!

Sweatin' to the Oldies

Bret Michaels revealed to Chelsea Handler that he had once had sex with Roseanne, and that he had long fantasized sex with Bea Arthur, Golden Girl star, and became quite friendly with Bea when she portrayed Maude. Gross.

According to Roseanne..

According to Roseanne's myspace bulletin, she went to Beverly Hills today, and heard some choice gossip, including that someone has died but no one is reporting it. Who and why?