Paris Hilton Has a Hard Life

Wonky eye wore this CORNY plastic flower garland while out on the town in NYC last week. UGHHHHHHHHH

Multi talented Paris Hilton is pitching a show to networks which would feature a panel of ridiculous slut celebrities whining about how hard it is to be THEM. The show, to be called "Dumb Slut Chit Chat", would include such riveting topics as how horrible the paparazzi are, how to handle rude fans, and, of course, the ever present dangers of STD's. The Chicago Sun Times reports:

Just imagine Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, Tori Spelling -- as well as Richards, Hilton and her former ''The Simple Life'' co-star, Nicole Richie -- together in one big two-hour special sharing ''their side'' of what it's like to be them.

That concept alone reportedly has intrigued a couple of cable channels initially contacted about the concept: Bravo and Lifetime.

J. Lo in Bikini UGH

Old Hag Slut Madonna is a Homewrecker

I won't apologize! This pic never gets old.

Madonna is "controlling the mind" of New York Yankees star Alex Rodriguez, according to his angry wife who he just dumped for sweaty, man handed Madonna.

To retaliate, A-Rod's wife is shacking up with Madonna's ex, the always charming Lenny Kravitz


Mrs. A-rod says that her sweet, loving husband has become a coldhearted beast because of Madonna's Kabbalah bullshit. She told Us Magazine:
"Madonna used kabbalah to brainwash my husband and convince him to leave me."

"I feel like Madonna is using mind control over him," Cynthia, 34, told a pal, according to the News. "I don't recognize the man he's become. He was a sweet, beautiful, loving husband and father.

"Today, he's very cold and calculating," she added.

Cynthia - who is "devastated" about splitting with her husband of five years - also "found a letter where Alex told Madonna: 'You are my true soul mate,'" a source close to the couple told the News.

Madonna, who is worth $600 million has obtained Paul McCartney's divorce attorney. Madonna's husband, Guy Ritchie wants nothing from her, as he is happy to be getting HIS BALLS BACK.

The couples split comes on the heels of news that A-Rod had been making late night booty calls to haggard Mo's apartment, including as early as the day after Cynthia gave birth to their second daughter, Ella - as first reported by Us Weekly.

"Alex literally left 10 minutes after the baby was born, and then was at Madonna's," a source told Us Thursday. "It's true. It's crazy."

The World Mourns the Death of Bozo the Clown

Bozo, (you guessed it) in "happier times."

Larry Harmon, aka Bozo the Clown, died today of congestive heart failure at the age 83. His publicist said he died quietly at home in full clown make-up. Okay, I made that up, he didn't have his make-up on. I LOVE how no one just says "Bozo." They say BOZO THE CLOWN, like you need to say the clown.

Larry wasn't the original Bozo, but he believed the clown could become a major star, so he bought the licensing rights to the character. Eventually, he licensed Bozo out to dozens of TV stations.

His wifey of 29 years said, “He was the most optimistic man I ever met. He always saw a bright side; he always had something good to say about everybody. He was the love of my life."

Corey Feldman To Go Under the Knife!

Corey Feldman is getting lipo to suck his fat out. OMG he thinks he's so cool, and acts like he's a major star, what a corny freak!

Cindy Brady Throws Up During Radio Interview

Cindy Brady, aka Susan Olson, threw up in the middle of a radio interview after admitting that she had drank too much Wednesday night, but between retches she urged listeners to come see her show Thursday night at Loonee’s Comedy Corner on North Academy Boulevard in Colorado Springs, where she opened for headliner Chris “Crazy Legs” Fonseca.
Cindy in happier times

Today, Tragic Susan is a portly alcoholic who wears stuffed animals on her clothes
Crazy Legs Fonseca

Olson had a short "career" in porn, and is a known alcoholic. She has back-ne, gross tats and a body like a truckdriver (seen below)

Olsen blamed Fonseca for her condition.

“Chris got me so wasted last night, and I’m so ready to vomit on the microphone,” she said. She urged fans to come to Loonee’s to watch her and Fonseca “fight with each other, then she did throw up.

Crusty Old Hugh Nearly Chokes on Sex Toy

“Hefner divulges he almost died doing what he loves best while he was with‘Playboy’ Playmate Sondra Theodore,” (below, today) said a publishing source familiar with the book.

The incident happened when Hef and Sondra, the July 1977 Playmate, were in bed making love with a small sex toy. Somehow, the sex toy became lodged in Hef’s throat, said the source.

Theodore, during the time incident took place

“He fell back on the bed, unable to breathe. But Sondra didn’t realize what had happened, said the source.

Corpse-like Hefner also admitted to allowing a man to pleasure him orally." AH!!!!!!!!!!

“Then Hef began choking and was about to pass out. Sondra quickly started pumping his chest until the toy was dislodged. What a way that would have been for him to go!”

Mel Gibson Was Trying To Hook His Son Up

Mel wasn't really trying to "help" Britney at all, his son needed a pudgy, crazy date.
According to Show Biz Spy,

Mel thought his son — who has turned his life around since he was admitted to the Cri-Help rehab facility in Hollywood last year — could help the troubled Toxic singer do the same.
A source tells the publication, “Mel felt Ed would be a great influence on Brit, and if the relationship turned into romance, all the better.”

Mel then arranged a meeting between the pair at Britney’s Hollywood Hills home last March, says the source.
“He sincerely believed that his son could help Britney stay on the straight and narrow and that they might hit it off as a couple as well,” the source adds.

But Spears refused to see Ed, and hid from him and Mel as soon as they arrived at her house.The source continues, “She hid from them for most of the night. Mel and his son spent most of their evening talking to her bodyguards!”

Ed Harris is a Bully

I'll admit it, for some reason that everyone makes fun of, I've always had a "thing" (sick) for Ed Harris. Not anymore. What an asshole, trying to wrestle this girl's camera away from her. She looks real scared too! Ha! Ha! There were plenty of men paparazzi filming him too, but he didn't go after them, UGH.

Lindsay Turns 22, Looks Good For 34

The cocaine and Red Bull was flowing at the alcohol free event

Christie Brinkley: "I Thought We Were Happy"

Cook wasted no time getting a slutty girlfriend, seen here belowChristie and Cook, when she thought they were happy. I could always see how creepy he was. Poor Christie.

Always composed and dignified, Christie Brinkley broke down in court as she described finding out about her asshole husband's affair with teenage slut
Gorgeous Christie Brinkley, 54, leaves court with her lawyer

Christie Brinkley broke down in tears yesterday as she told a court how her life 'vanished' on the day she learned her husband was cheating on her with an 18-year-old employee.

The 54-year-old former supermodel was at a school graduation ceremony in June 2006 when the teen's stepfather tapped her on the shoulder and told her: 'That husband of yours won't knock it off. He's having an affair with my teenage daughter.'

Sobbing, Miss Brinkley said she looked at her husband Peter Cook,
sitting in the front row of the graduation ceremony,
where she was a guest speaker, and thought:
'My God, it's true. He did do that."

'His face was so tense. He was saying "no".
I knew from his face.
It explained the feelings I'd been trying not to feel.'

She said that was the day 'my life as I knew it had vanished.
That was also the day that my world was completely shattered'.

Christie and her lawyer leave court

Repulsive puke Peter Cook tearfully admitted to "pleasuring himself in front of a webcam," as well as USING Christie's 13 year old son's identity to lure young girls into sex."

"I found conversations of him trying to lure girls saying he would take them shopping, saying he would pay them if he could see their face,' she said.

Asked how she felt about finding out about his porn obsession, she added: 'I felt really stupid. Why didn't I know? Why wasn't I aware of this? I felt humiliated. I felt shattered. I just felt grief-stricken.'

Brinkley claimed Cook threatened to commit suicide several weeks after she discovered his affair.

She said Cook phoned her up in a hysterical state: 'He was sobbing and said he was driving erratically and that, "I'm going to drive into a tree."

'I said, "Pull over. You need help." He said, "No, I'm going to kill myself." Then I spent the rest of the day trying to find a place he could go to get help.'

After a brief cross-examination by Cook's lawyer, Brinkley denied suggestions she was a bitter ex-wife.

She said: 'I think a certain amount of anger would be perfectly normal."

"After all I supported this man for almost ten years, he never paid for a single thing and he lived a wonderful life... all the while he was carrying on like this behind my back. It goes without saying that there was a certain amount of anger.'

Brinkley was giving testimony a day after she came face to face with her estranged husband's former lover Diana Bianchi, now 21, at their divorce hearing in Long Island, New York.
During his evidence on Wednesday, Cook said he had given Bianchi a $300,000 pay-off and had extramarital trysts in his office and Brinkley's Hamptons homes.

Brinkley said yesterday that she told Cook to give her his computer passwords 'if you've got nothing to hide'.
She found emails there from Bianchi (below)

and the porn sites Cook visited. 'I know a lot of men look at pornographic sites,' she said.

But, in Cook's case, she said he was trying 'to connect with people' in their neighborhood.
It was not a voyeur site. It was a meeting site,' she said. 'It was more than I could bear."

Below, Christie, looking unhappy in public for the first time. Of course, everyone is on her side

Creepy Cook had testified that he and Brinkley used pornography 'to get the mood going'.

Cook's lawyer attacked Brinkley's emotional testimony, referring to her acting background.
Brinkley responded with a laugh, declaring, 'If you want to call me an actress, that's fine. I'm no Meryl Streep, but I have been in a very successful movie.' (Brinkley had a small role in successful 1983 comedy National Lampoon's Vacation.)

Cook met Miss Bianchi while she was working at a Hamptons toy store in 2004.

Miss Brinkley cried repeatedly on the stand yesterday as she explained how her once happy marriage fell apart.

The blonde ex-model, who inspired ex-husband Billy Joel's hit Uptown Girl, said she first became suspicious when she found a brunette hair in an unmade bed at an empty house she owned with her husband.

Although he denied having an affair, she said that in the last two years of their decade-long relationship she felt like 'a burden' to him.
Even when she went into hospital with an infection, she said Cook barely seemed to care.

She described returning from the 2006 graduation ceremony at Southampton High School near the couple's mansion in the exclusive Hamptons enclave on Long Island and asking Cook for the car keys for her to drive away and leave him.

'I drove away from my perfect life. I thought I had the picket fence. I thought we were happy," she said.

Marc Anthony On The Verge of Collapse!

GET. SOME. SLEEP.

Reeling with exhaustion after being forced to stay awake with J. Ho's hideous twins for months now, Marc has been begging fat sweathog J.Lo to release him from his all night duties for just 2 hours a day so he can grab a quick nap. But J.Lo sternly reminded him that part of his job description as "ugly husband to a major star" requires that he do exactly as he is told without ever questioning her!

Reserve Your Copy Today!

Mini Me's girlfriend is traumatized that their sex tape was stolen,(GET A NEW EXCUSE) because she believed they were "in love." But don't worry, a judge has ruled that the sex tape can still be seen and purchased online!

Let's forget for a MOMENT that Verne Troyer is a creepy, obnoxious dwarf who is a raging alcoholic. Didn't this dumb bitch see Surreal Life? I need to know (NOW) what there is to "love" about him

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH his CLAWS!!!!!!!!!!!

Ashlee and Pete: Trying to Hard And FAILING

Ashlee fails at everything, and especially this "really cool and mellow pregnant hippie girl" look. GOD, go away.

Oh, and her husband is still gay

PEW

Lindsay Lohan is a dirty skank and thinks she's cool

She has really good taste in men, unlike Christie Brinkley. This haggard bitch should lay off the crack pipe for awhile, she looks as beat as Marc Anthony!

Here are the angered lovebirds yesterday on Lindsay's 22nd birthday
"Out of my way! I'm a no-talent crackhead from Long Island, and I need a bath!" an enraged Lindsay shouted at frightened paparazzi

Her ridiculous looking husband, Sam followed closely, the chemistry between them filling the air with B.O. and sweet tobacco smoke. NICE. HAT. Love the kicks too. ugh!