Valerie Bores Us With Some More Crap

“The priest we tapped to perform the ceremony gave us questionnaires so he could get to know us better. We filled out the forms at home…we each held a little vial of coke.”
- Valerie Bertinelli in an interview on this morning’s ‘Today’ show, saying that her 26-year marriage to Eddie Van Halen involved a lot of cocaine How is that in ANY WAY interesting? Like every single person in Hollywood didn't do cocaine in the 80's

Was Eddie wearing these shoes when you filled out the forms?

Sorry but any excuse to post this pic again.. I love it

Sorry

This is kind of mean, because some of you may not have had your Sunday brunch yet, but I, for one, never get tired of this picture of Eddie van Halen. The picture of his foot, though, is a treasure I just found, and I wanted to share it with you. I had to hold my breath just looking at it! I can assure you that it is, indeed, his foot.

Van Halen Tour

Okay, it's not Wolfie's fault that he inherited his mom's face AND BODY. He's doing the best he can.

He Can Still "JUMP!"

I am impressed that Eddie Van Halen is still able to jump, and having recently completed rehab, and gotten his teeth fixed, their tour has "kicked off" to a great start. It should last at least a month! But now, I would GIVE ANYTHING to see his fat son Wolfie jump! Please...just once?

Sometimes it's Better to Just Stay Retired

Van Halen is "reuniting" ad, um... David Lee Roth is a horrible freak. I mean he always was, but now it's embarrassing to watch him play his "gigalo" role. Eddie Van Halen is a falling down drunk with no teeth, and his big fat 16 year old son, Wolfgang, who has Valerie Bertinelli's head (and body) has replaced bass guitarist Michael Anthony. Has "Wolfie" called Jenny yet? Never mind, because his mom called her, and she's gained weight if anything! Those stupid ads where she's pretending she's lost 30 pounds and looks exactly the same are hysterical. I like how she's in some big poofy 1930's purple dress, like as if that would fool us into believing she's lost 30 pounds!
Anyway, I just saw a preview of them performing for their upcoming tour, and it was truly painful to watch, on so many levels.

Yet another reason not to drink

What can happen if you marry Valerie Bertenelli