Can Someone Please Buy Richard Simmons a New Pair of Shorts?

Preferably some longer ones? PLEASE.



Richard with Jimmy Kimmel

Snoop Switches Up His "Look"

How Rude!

Jody Sweetin and her hideous hub Cody Herpes have a reality show. Can't wait. The lovable Full House meth head says there's no title yet. How about "Crack House?"

Angry Lesbian Outing Part 364

Katie Holmes : A Big, Manly, Friendless, Bitchy Dyke.

She thinks she's cool! So corny, nice Gladiator sandals. UGH

Abused Miniature Dwarf Goes To Court

Dwarf Mini and Ranae Shrider in happier times. Now, Verne claims she has battered him sexually and physically, and caused his emotional distress. Oh boo hoo.

“When you pick up a 2′8″ human dwarf and throw him to the floor, it hurts.” said Troyer's attorney.

Ranae once picked the lock to his bedroom door, pushing away a 100 pound scooter that was used to block the door, and then throwing him to the floor Troyer claims his damages from all that Schrider did to him exceed $20 million.

Kate Hudson is a Desperate Slut

Why did Lance Armstrong end it with Kate Hudson? The same reason every other man does. She's a bitchy know-it-all, and a clingy whiner.

Seems the Tour de France champ and cancer survival poster boy was feeling a bit ‘’smothered” by the actress. According to an Armstrong associate at his Livestrong charity foundation, the sports hero felt Hudson was ”just too needy,” and was coming on ”too strong, too fast … sensing Kate was way too desperate, a woman who clearly can’t be on her own without a man in her life at all times.”

He may have a point. Hudson always seems to escalate her relationships quickly — even turning things into familylike outings with her son Ryder ever-present, as he has been with Armstrong and with Hudson’s last flame, Owen Wilson.

One thing Armstrong reportedly liked about ex-girlfriend Sheryl Crow — and one reason that relationship lasted as long as it did — was that ”Sheryl’s one very independent woman. … Lance liked that,” said the source. But he's such a creepy weasel that he broke up with her when he found out she had cancer. What a guy. UGH.

Kate's stinky ex Chris Robinson and Ryder

In other big news, Kate has powerful B.O., as she won't wear deodorant, and her son wants his hair cut.

Coke Monster Blohan Thrown Out of Party

Trailer whore Dina Lohan got herself and her hideously UGLY daughter Ali kicked out of the after party for the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 premiere.”

Of course Dina claims she wasn’t kicked out — she voluntarily left the party because a studio staffer “raised his voice” at her. Oh dear!!

E! Online’s Marc Malkin says:

Sources report that when coke slut Dina, Ali and a friend of Ali’s arrived to the after-party, they sat down at a reserved table. A studio staffer politely asked her to change tables, but “Long Island tramp Dina “went crazy as if she were some sort of celebrity,” a partygoer tells me. She was screaming, "I'm ready to rumble, bitches!"

“It so wasn’t cool.”So not cool that “Dina was thrown out” from the rooftop soirée , another source says. Dina, however, claims she decided to ditch the party because she says that the studio staffer started raising his voice.

“He made the girls uncomfortable,” Dina wrote in an email to me this afternoon. “At that point, the girls wanted to leave.” Um... what were 13 year old girls doing at a soirée anyway? uGH.

But my party source insists, the studio folks “couldn’t have been nicer . . . Dina was so awful, such nasty gutter trash.” wow, shocking.

Jessica: A Failure at Everything

Jessica was booed by the disgusted country fans. LOL!!!

Next up for the talentless cow? She'll attempt to write a children's book, then pose for Hustler magazine. Corny loser Jessica Simpson continues to make everyone hate her with statements like this:

"Tonight there's this guy here, he throws a football and he's really good at it. He's my better tomorrow and I wrote this song for him." - J. Simpson on her song "You're My Sunday," dedicated to Tony Romo at Country Thunder USA, where fans booed.

Asshole Thinks This is Something to Brag About

“It’s funny. I keep hearing Ashton Kutcher say how he was responsible for trucker caps. I’ve heard him make that statement before.

Trace and I were wearing them when we were seventeen. We just kind of didn’t care. We kind of still don’t.”

OH YAY

Oh yay. Vulgar real funny bull dyke child abuser O'Donnell is returning to T.V.! OMG can't she just go away?? Here, O'Donnell is seen with a bright red clown's nose... oh, wait that's just her alcoholic's nose

Donald Trump said:

"Rosie is a big, sad, fat failure. She's a slob and has no talent, yet she keeps forcing herself on us, the same way she forces food into her obese body. She's a very sick woman, and I don't know a single soul alive who can stand her. She is so awful to look at that no one will watch her show. I would feel sorry for her, but she's a disgusting pig. I will enjoy watching as her show is canceled after a few gut wrenching installments. She is very obnoxious, and probably the ugliest person I know. She's very fat and no one likes her. She thinks she's cool, which is deeply tragic. Her armpits smell like red onions. And she's really evil, not a nice person at all."

Abusive and violent to her lover and her kids, sweathog O'Donnell is shown here with cut all over her big fat hands


Rosie has a winning smile, very natural and warm

Fat Pig O'Donnell has a fashion sense that's up to the minute! Here, she "sizzles" in a plum print duster, paired with some faded black sweat clothes, which leave nothing to the imagination!

The Hogans Are Such Idiots

Linda Bollea Hogan has toned down her clown make-up at the request of her 19 year old "soul mate." Sorry, Linda. You still look like a corpse. Nice try, though. Here she is stopping by the prison to give her son Nick a stupid skateboard for his eighteenth birthday. Maybe he can use it to escape! SO RETARDED

Amy O.D.'s, Chicken Cures Her

Amy only hours before being rushed to the hospital

Paramedics were careful with the delicate , freshly washed beauty as they took her to the hospital at 3:45 A.M.

The many faces of Amy, all hauntingly beautiful

Want to email somebody a link to this photo?

Amy's dad brought KFC to the hospital, and she was released a few hours later

Your photo caption has been updated

Amy's Wacky Weekend

Amy punches the metal grill outside a shop

She began the night in high spirits, squirting water with a high-powered jet from her garage at fans gathered outside her Camden, north London, home shortly before 1am.

About half an hour later she stumbled to a live music bar Stables at Camden's Proud Galleries.

She started running to the club with a mystery pal, telling photographers she was going to take them on a trip round the back streets.
She also told them - bizarrely - their mothers would like her because 'it kept it interesting'. Huh?

After her burst of crack fueled energy Amy needs a sit down

Before she got to the club she slumped down outside a shop, pushing her security guard away.

AHHHHHHHHHHH

Madonna is haggard, old, and ugly. I personally know 50 year old's who are way hotter and younger looking than her, and they don't have 300 million dollars.
Lourdes and the crypt keeper attend a Kabbalah meeting

Lourdes is a hairy faced beast, who draws even more attention to her ape-like appearance by wearing some freaky gladiator headband that accents her furry brows, stash... and it even appears she has a goatee forming! UGH

So Creepy

This is so inappropriate and gross. The Crocodile Hunter's fam are a bunch of FREAKS.
Thumbs up! "Ay matey! Let's put Daddy on a cake and smile big grotesque cheesy smiles because he was murdered by a fish, and we're going to cash in as long and as hard as we can!" UGH. Go away.

Lourdes in Crisis!

You mean she's not used to it by now?

Lourdes doesn't like it when we talk bad about her mom. Too bad. More importantly, did she get her big bushy unibrow waxed? Damn it.

New York-based fitness trainer Carlos Leon has been spending extra time with his daughter, as Madonna prepares for her forthcoming world tour, and he is showering her with affection to compensate for her distress.

Leon tells People magazine, “She’s aware of it, and that’s difficult. I just give her more love. Her mother is there for her, (Except when she's on world tours, or completely immersed in her Kaballah bullshit) Guy is there for her.”

And he insists there is no truth to the reports Madonna and Ritchie are splitting: “People have marital problems all the time.”

Richie Sambora Stalks Heather Locklear

Bloated Richie Sambora

called Heather every day she was in rehab, but her boyfriend Jack Wagner only visited twice. Us Weekly reports:

Heather Locklear’s ex-husband Richie Sambora (who struggles with alcoholism) called her daily during her recent four-week stint in rehab for depression and anxiety, the Chicago Sun-Times reports. (The paper claims she also may have been treated for prescription drug issues.) She didn't want him bothering her, because he is a big, flabby, annoying, cheating drunk.

The source says that Locklear, 46, told the other patients at the Arizona facility that she felt the world was closing in on her before she sought help. The source adds that Locklear felt people expected her “to be perfect, always beautiful.” During her stay, the source says Locklear “couldn’t have been warmer or more approachable. There was no diva behavior. She was totally genuine, down-to-earth and warm.”

She often enjoyed riding horses. She even told patients that she wanted to make a Western film “so I can better work on my riding skills,” the insider says. At one point during rehab, Locklear was overheard singing and said she’d love to record an album, the source says.

Oh yeah and Denise Richards is a liar. Big Shock.

“Heather has phone records that prove Denise was calling Richie while Heather was still married to him. Heather was such a good friend to Denise. She gave Denise clothes and offered her a shoulder to cry on when she and now ex-husband Charlie Sheen split up - there are even photos in the press of Heather taking Denise out after she and Charlie split. And then a few weeks later - not months - Denise starts dating Richie. For Denise to claim that not only did she not initiate contact with Richie but that she and Heather weren’t friends for three months before she took up with him, well, that’s just absurd and an outright lie.