FBI INVESTIGATES CONTRACT HIT ON K-FED, EVERYONE CONSIDERED A SUSPECT
Hollywood — The FBI confirmed this week they’re investigating a contract hit on Britney Spears’ ex-husband Kevin Federline. “Obviously, this is someone who hates Mr. Federline’s guts and wants him dead, so anyone and everyone in the United States is a suspect,” said special agent Floyd Palmer.
“From the hip hop community to Britney fans to the legions of women he has impregnated and abandoned, it’s hard to find someone who doesn’t have a motive,” he added.
Joseph Leiver, a 46 year-old bus driver in Canton, Ohio said he was surprised to be named a suspect in the Federline case.
“I saw that Super Bowl ad Kevin Federline did earlier this year, and I thought it sucked,” admitted Leiver. “I may have said something about him being a total douche, but I don’t think that’s a crime.”
“Again, we’re looking at everyone,” reiterated Agent Palmer. “The fact that someone calls someone else a ‘douche’ or a ‘douche bag’ can show a motive and hatred for the target in this case.”
But Leiver contends that it’s widely accepted Federline is a douche.
“I mean this guy is the definition of a douche,” said Leiver. “If I’m just stating a fact that he is a douche and everyone knows that, then well, where’s the motive?”
Federline’s attorney, Steve Lester, said he was stunned by the news of the contract hit on his client.
“Frankly, we believe this contract hit must be related to my client’s attempt at a rap career,” said Lester. “Luckily we’ve talked him into stopping the whole rap business, but the resentment is still out there.”
The fact that the FBI has named everyone a suspect in this case has made the interviewing process a major challenge in solving the case.
“It would be easy for us to say that Britney Spears ordered the hit,” said Palmer. “However, if you’re trying to find people who hate Mr. Federline just as much as she does, then well, we’re talking about 302 million people in this country alone.
