"Don't smile, kids! Lohan's don't smile.. they are too "cool."
"I'm living the american dream, and people who don't like it are jealous."
Lisa Berger is a moron, and she's responsible for the show "House of Carters." "Roll with the punches?" Any punches they have had have been 100% of their own making. Relatable? Yeah I can relate to them, if I was trash from Long Island who got lucky with one Disney movie ten years ago, and since then has really done nothing but drugs and booze, chasing people in cars, rehab, and sex with every human and non-human that I meet.
gallery of the absurd
HER. EYES. HER. KIDS.
I am so ready for the Lohan's reality show. I know it will be so real! And we know how bad Ali wants fame, and I'm sure she's so talented too. The name of the show is so clever, "Momager." Get it? UGH. Dina assures us that this show will "set the record straight about what has been written about her family." (WHICH IS ALL TRUE)
And WTF has Dina done to her face now? Oh, don't get me wrong, nasty before, nasty now. It's just that she's altered it in some way, more surgery of some type, and she now looks like a cartoon character.
See how she's trying to hide behind scrawny little skank Ali? You can tell she's trying to hide her face! Oh, they were playing in the leaves together, so candid. PLEASE.
I can't wait to see Cody, the younger brother, and I didn't even know there was a brother who is 20 and in college, Michael.
Could he be....normal? No way, he's not..BONUS!
Gross, she's a hunchback
I like how her arms dangle at her sides, her gross camel toe and hideous boots
The show will feature "Ali's Music!" Wheee!!! Better learn the lyrics for A Lohan Holiday:
Let me take you on a Lohan holiday
A winter wonderland that’s oh so far away
Don’t have to go no where - just let your mind escape
Come on a journey to this Lohan holiday
Imagine if you can - a magical Christmas land fictional journey - a vision so real
A place everybody smiles - wont you come for a while
Lets go in a hurry - come with me you’ll see
Imaginations all you really need (lohan holiday)
Such a magical ride - so come on jump inside
A great destination for everyone to see
The wonders in the air cant wait to see you there
Magical moments that you have only dreamed
All you have to do is just believe (lohan holiday)
Let me take you on a Lohan holiday
A Christmas fantasy that’s meant for you and me
Where everything you’ll ever want is for free (lots of crack) just believe (take you there)
Let me take you on a Lohan holiday
A winter wonderland that’s oh so far away
Don’t have to go no where - just let your mind escape
Come on a journey to this Lohan holiday
Come let me take you on a Lohan holiday
A winter wonderland that’s oh so far away
Don’t have to go no where - just let your mind escape
I can take you so far away
um... I'll Pass
Dina will show off her life as manager of Lindsay and her other daughter Ali's
showbiz careers in the E! show--and she promises her A-list offspring will make an appearance to boost ratings.Lindsay's brother Cody, a Danny Bonaduce look-a-like
Dina says, "This show is more about our family, and Ali's music, and what we do; setting the record straight about what's been written about our family.
"Lindsay will be in and out of the show. She's my daughter!" I think I'm going to be sick. I'll be right back.
HER. FACE!!!
HER. LEGS!
But Dina's ex-husband Michael is skeptical of the role his elder daughter will play in the show--and insists he is having nothing to do with it.
Lindz and Momager on her 21st birthday.. "Hey Lilo...can I get a line from you?"
He tells the New York Daily News, "Lindsay told me 'absolutely not' when I asked if she was going to be involved.
"I don't have any interest in that. I'm working for the church (and maybe you should get a real job)
and I'm working on a mission for a crisis center." 
OH SICKKKKKKKKKK Michael, yeah we remember that you are a CONVICT, DRUG ADDICT and every bit as much of a freak as every other member of your family, so SAVE YOUR RELIGIOUS BULL FOR THE LOSERS AT "THE MISSION" who MIGHT believe that you are some altruistic man of the cloth.
When Lindsay was cute, a really long time ago
BONUS #2!
MICHAEL Lohan is a heartless, two-timing louse, says a sexy Long Island divorcee who claims she had an "intimate, loving relationship" with Lindsay's ex-con dad for the past four months, only to find out this week he had another girlfriend.
"I'm really hurt. I fell in love with this man. Then I find out he has someone else," Virginia Bertolino, 41, a real estate broker for Century 21 in Jericho and mother of three daughters, told Page Six.
"Our love was very hot and heavy, and I saw him almost every day in the beginning. We fell in love - there was 'I love you' and everything. He told me that he was going to change my life. He's very sexual, I thought we had great sex. Sex is very important with him."
She says she was particularly jolted because Michael has become an ordained minister. "When he was melancholy once, I asked him, 'Is there someone else in your life?' He said, 'Yes.' I said, 'Who is that?' and he said, 'God.' He betrayed me.
"My friends met him, my parents met him. I know his mother likes me, his sister likes me. What are they going to say now? When we first met, I knew he was Lindsay Lohan's dad and that was a little exciting, but I'm not a user. I'm a responsible woman in the community . . . What kind of game is he playing? I want the whole world to know about him."
Don't worry, Virginia. We do. But, if I may? 1. Why was it "exciting" he was Lindsay's dad? What are you, 12? BIG DEAL. 2. WHO CARES (nobody) about your sex with him, gross. 3.How do you know any of them "liked you?" What a corny and childish thing to say. 4. Why aren't you embarrassed? 5. Why are you talking to the press? No one cares what he did to you. 6. You knew he was a convict and a liar if you knew he was Lindsay's dad. You deserve what you get. 7. "HOT N' HEAVY? WHO SAYS THAT? 8. He says he never went out with you. Hahahahaha!!!!
Michael's response?
"I never went out with Virginia Bertolino. This woman is a liar. She's neurotic."
